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| Parenting
Successfully |
Article |
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|
Teach Your Child the Power of
Forgiveness |
| by Crystal
Hernandez |
Of all the lessons you
will teach your child, forgiveness is
truly one of the toughest. While that
may cause you some discomfort, take
heart in knowing that forgiveness is
also a lesson that will bear good
“fruit” in your child’s life for years
to come. And, like many of life’s most
important lessons the younger we are the
greater the opportunity to make a
lasting impression. So, with that in
mind, here’s a strategy for teaching
your child the power of forgiveness.
Kids are naturally concerned with what
happens to the person who has hurt them.
Helping them understand that forgiveness
is not letting others “get away” with
hurting us helps them tremendously. How
many times has your child solved
disputes between himself and friends
with very little, if any, help at all
from you. One day they’re upset and
complaining about a friend’s poor
behavior, and the following day report
that everything’s alright again. All is
forgiven and forgotten. It’s no longer a
big deal. Then there are those times
when a friend has been truly cruel and
your child wants to punish the friend
and hurt them in return. Here’s where
you step in to offer comfort,
understanding and redirection:
• First,
hear your child’s story
completely without
interruption, and then
paraphrase what you heard to
ensure that you heard
accurately.
• Second, allow your child
to express and share any
feelings about the incident.
• Third, verbally
acknowledge the wrong
committed against your
child.
• Fourth, explore acceptable
options for dealing with the
situation—this is where you
help your child understand
the importance of
forgiveness and its power to
turn the situation around
more quickly for him. |
Here’s an example of how the dialogue
might go.
“So, Cassandra has been writing hateful
letters about you in school and “Instant
Messaging” the same stuff online to your
circle of friends because she believes
you’ve been talking about her behind her
back?”
“Yes! She’s a loser! And that’s why
nobody likes her to begin with…she's
mean! I went out of my way to help her
make friends with my friends…. I hate
her and I’m going to tell Shelia
everything she’s been saying about
her!!”
“I’m sorry about this Anna…you didn’t
deserve this and I can see how angry and
hurtful this is…do you want to take some
time to calm down a bit before we talk
about what you can do?” “I’d like you to
take some time to calm down, and then we
can get back together and explore what
you can do. I love you…and I’m really
sorry that this has happen….”
After she has calm down if she hasn’t
come to you go to her and ask if she’s
ready to talk about what she can do.
Then explore what she can do. Your goal
is to help her to see herself as capable
rather than as helpless. You do this by
explaining that forgiveness is not
letting someone “get away” with hurting
us, but rather a choice we make to use
our personal power in a way that allows
us to heal rather than striking out to
harm someone else. Our desire to repay
them for the harm they’ve done is
redirected toward actions that affirm
and promote the healing of our self.
Understanding this is important because
it protects us from the life-draining
problem of bitterness, hatred, and
unresolved anger.
Forgiveness is, then, a “protective
factor” for your child. In other words,
if practiced, it helps to keep the
stress associated with grudges and
strained relationships at bay. Allowing
hope and healing to become the way of
handling pain other inflict upon us.
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Crystal A. Hernandez, M.S., MFT
is a marriage and family therapist
specializing in healthy relationship
education and relationship coaching. She
helps accomplished service professionals
who are also women of faith cultivate
friendship, collaborative communication,
and real intimacy in their marriage.
Learn more about her work at
www.RelatingToday.com. |
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More Articles |
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