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| Growing In
Marriage |
Article |
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Got Misery? Coping With Conflict at Home |
You’ve heard it said
that ‘home is where the heart is’. It’s
where we can be ourselves and experience
acceptance, love, respect—and, lots and
lots of conflict. The potential for
conflict at home is always present.
Think about it…without a plan for
handling a sick child you could find
yourself at odds with your husband on
the issue. Times of high stress can
leave you emotionally drained and
needing support. But what if your
efforts to have a little time alone are
misunderstood igniting feelings of hurt
between you? Or, your husband’s need to
complete an important project at work
conflicts with your hope for some time
together? Whatever the situation, one
thing’s for sure—the frustration,
stress, and overall angst of conflict
can cause lots of misery. Nevertheless,
coping with conflict at home without it
taking a toll on your health and
happiness is an absolute must. And the
good news is you can!
How we deal with conflict often reflects
what we’ve learned from our early
experiences in life growing up and our
later experiences as an adult. If
practiced, whatever you learned forms a
pattern in your life that is really
quite predictable. Therefore,
recognizing what you repeatedly do when
you’re under stress or when there is
distress between you and someone else
becomes essential to learning to deal
with conflict in a healthy way. Being
aware of your behavior, especially if
you’re dissatisfied with it, gives you
the information you need about yourself
to choose more satisfying actions you
can take. Awareness is crucial.
From there, you can explore better ways
to respond to conflict. Know what your
options are. Will you avoid it, or use
your powers of persuasion to settle it?
Will you give in or argue and fight it
out? Perhaps you’re content to just let
things “float” along without attempting
to resolve them. Are you given to
compromise? Have you considered
collaborating your way through? Ask
yourself which of these approaches will
result in more positive connections in
your family life? Which is most
respectful of your dignity and the
dignity of those you love? Which allows
you to become more of what you are
capable of being…and helps your husband
and children become more of what they
are capable of being…?
You and each of the members of your
family have your own unique way of
seeing, thinking, feeling, wanting, and
doing things. This is what makes family
life so interesting and enjoyable. It’s
also what makes conflict inevitable. If
you’re willing to acknowledge and accept
this powerful truth you’ll find coping
with conflict in your family life less
daunting. And, most importantly, you’ll
begin to realize that the presence of
conflict, despite the misery that may
accompany it, doesn’t necessarily mean
that something is wrong with you, your
marriage, or family life. Home is where
the heart is because home is where you
can truly become what you are capable of
being if you’re willing to shift your
attitude about conflict and commit to
handling it in ways that foster an
atmosphere of acceptance, love, and
respect—which is the desire of every
heart. |
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